cause=time

AND SO IT BEGINS... the rest of my life that is. that which can be stagnant, dynamic, fermenting, dualistic...futuristic. each day we go through our routines to get us where we want to be in the future, whether that future is 2pm later that day, or in 2 months or 2 years. is it not all relative? we are where we've chosen to be and that decision was made long ago - but do we ever remember? we ask ourselves, how did I end up here? there are people who live in the past and people tell them - you need to move on. there are people who live in the future and people tell them - live in the now, it's what matters. there are people who live in the present and they are admired and detested. those who live in the present are a reminder of reality. that life happens. shit happens.

and so it begins. the pursuit of happiness. and it begins with attitude & confidence. it requires faith that things will be all right..eventually, right? RIGHT!! <- that's attitude right there :)
i'm making a transition in life where i see no "official" end. is this feeling the rite of passage into adulthood? i'm 22 and there is so much I want to do/experience RIGHT NOW!!!!! how now brown cow? no se. let's back-track. my cousin had a baby 8.31.08 and we went to visit her in the hospital. i'm happy for her! she has a lovely family and she's 26. then girl talk hour came - all that jazz about childbirth, the pain, the thoughts running through their mind, thinking of those before who have done this. my eyes widened so much at the though that some day my mom and my cousin expect me to go through this someday. SOME DAY. and i thought to myself. hex no. i'm 22 and I can't picture having a kid any time soon. then I blurted out, hmmm, maybe when i'm 29? 29 sounds a good age. and then the look of lost youth came upon the faces of my mom and my cousin. TWENTY-NINE? they gasped. then they reassured each other - oh she'll understand in a couple of years. i'll understand all right - that their path isn't the same as mine. as my parents and I walked out the hospital, my mom grabbed my arm and said, really? 29? and i gave her a, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS look, and my mom said ok, ok. it's just that. nevermind. ok. 29.

since that conversation with my mom, my life has been flashing before my eyes. the future? i can only see what i'm up to this next year, let alone, FAMILY LIFE! yea yea, i think about it every now and then, but not in a realistic manner - life happens, and when it does, you deal with it then!

But one really good epiphany happened to me while at the hospital. architecture. i never knew that that was the answer i was looking for. architecture&planning. it's a combination of what i like, designING and being an urban designER. hoag hospital is very attractive. it has very nice landscaping that creates a soothing appeal - right next to the main entrance! makes you feel safe and taken care of - as a hospital SHOULD make you feel! not cold and isolated and sterile. sterile is good, but can be an added function of design.

anyways. cheers to life! RISE UP and do something about it!